While public awareness of transgender may date from Walter
Carlos’ transition to Wendy Carlos several decades ago, it seems to have become
controversial only in the last few years. And it’s not clear if the reason for
such controversy is because so many more people seem to feel they were born in
the wrong body or because so many of them want everyone else’s support on their
own terms.
As usual, I have questions about what exactly is going on,
and I am wanting to get more information, while almost everyone else is
upsetting themselves and choosing sides.
What exactly is this polarity, masculine and feminine, that
everyone seems to be getting so worked up about? Are we talking about the
various conventional stereotypes, ‘men-from-Mars-women-from Venus’,
lumberjacks, soap operas and bonbons, gray men in gray suits, housewives
suffering from anomie, aspiring and seductive secretaries, corporate
sociopaths, and so forth?
Or are we talking about XX and XY? Some years ago, at the
annual conference of the Pacific School of Religion, I learned that there are 6
physiological correlates with homosexuality, most of which are invisible to the
naked eye. Do such correlates exist for transgender?
Another question is – why is this happening now? Is it
because the recent acceptance of gay marriage has created space for other
sex/gender differences to come out of the closet? Is it to some extent one of
the fads that captivate youth? Is it because the conventional
Hollywood-Madison-Avenue stereotypes have become so rancid and apparently
universal that people are fleeing them? It is because overpopulation and the
prospect of increasingly catastrophic climate change are affecting our species
on an unconscious level? Or is this part of the cosmic astrological shift to
the Age of Aquarius and matriarchy?
I’ve long understood that we each have a masculine and
feminine aspect to our personalities, our psychological understanding of
ourselves and the world. And the proportions of those aspects vary among individuals
in a way that’s far from black and white. As well, there are many different
aspects to the masculine and feminine archetypes themselves. The Greek pantheon
offers an ample menu.
Why is gender allegedly such a crucial and overwhelming part
of the human psyche? Are the brains, personalities, emotions, and most of the
human bodies of men and women really so incredibly different? No. We all know
women who are relatively ‘masculine’ (whatever that is), and men who are
relatively ‘feminine’ (whatever that is). And when people are talking about
nonsexual topics, they seem perfectly capable of relating to each other as
equals and focusing on the topic of conversation without dragging sex and
gender into it. Consider our chakras; only one is about sex and gender, the
others are all just about being a human.
So why is gender now so polarized that if transgender people
don’t get to pass as the gender they identify with, and use the right bathroom
and wear the right clothes, they will get so depressed that they will commit
suicide? If being the right gender is so crucial, were they always committing
suicide and we didn't notice?
Some parents are advised by gender therapists that if their
children start saying they feel like the gender that their body does not look like,
they should be put on sex hormones before puberty so that they are not so
traumatized by developing into the ‘wrong’ gender that they end up committing
suicide. Where did these therapists get their training, and where is the
evidence of such inevitable outcomes? Children usually spend a lot of time
playing make-believe, so how is one to distinguish between normal play and
permanent transgender feelings?
I have a neighbor, a tall strapping guy who started
cross-dressing some years ago. After a while, he started taking hormones. After
another while, he went to Asia and had the operation and became a she. Is there
a slippery slope here? For a time, s/he used to throw parties for other
cross-dressers, and at one of them I talked to a guy who only became interested
in cross-dressing after taking prescribed hormones in the wake of prostate
cancer.
If we are talking about dysphoria, I am thinking that the
full context of body dysphoria includes people who want to chop off various
pieces of their bodies such as feet or arms. Are past life experiences
contaminating their psyches in this life? I am also thinking that we live in a culture
which induces many people to not be fully present in their physical body. And I
am informed that we live in an environment that is saturated with estrogenic chemicals,
some from consumer products and some from industrial emissions. Are we
oversimplifying the situation?
Now of course, there is a long history of human
self-decoration- piercings, tattoos, hairstyles, shavings, painting,
footbinding, etc., as well as innumerable clothing designs. And somewhere in
there is a line between art and abuse. Thoughtful discernment is called for.
And why is it so extremely important to perform 2 extremely
basic bodily functions, functions shared by every biological organism, in
exactly the locations defined by the labels of men and women? How exactly is
one’s physical appearance to others so important? Is beauty only skin deep? If
one has a true identity, why is it so necessary for everyone else they meet to
notice, understand, acknowledge, and actively support that identity?
When some ‘trans-women’ begin to insist that they can or
should menstruate or get pregnant, I am wondering if they are well-connected to
reality or sanity.
In fact, some transgender people become truly irate when
others don’t totally accept their presence in social situations that have
historically been gender-segregated. There is the phenomenon of TERFs,
trans-exclusionary radical feminists, women who prefer, from time to time, to
gather together with ‘cis-women’ and would rather not include ‘trans-women’ in
absolutely every female group meeting. Abusive reactions by trans-women to such
preferences suggest that feelings of male privilege are not erased by the
hormones and surgery. And since such women may well be quite socially
conservative, acting like they are all radical feminists seems a bit much.
As we know, emissions from fossil fuel combustion are
accumulating in an increasingly catastrophic way, while also enabling
sophisticated technology of all kinds, including artificial sex hormones and
sex change surgery. Thus, the future welfare of some sex change participants
may rely on goods or services that may become unavailable.
Despite all the caveats above, I support people expressing
their personalities in diverse positive and creative ways. And I also want to
share a few more experiences that inform my perspective.
When I was 13, I wanted a nose job in the worst way. My
parents were having none of it, fortunately, for what if I had thus lost my precious
sense of smell? I’ve gathered that having sex change surgery can end the
ability to orgasm. This elective and expensive surgery reminds me of Anderson’s
story of the mermaid, who faced such a radical choice. You never know
beforehand exactly how things will turn out. Like Joan Rivers. You can never go
back.
When my parents realized that my sister and her black
boyfriend were serious about a life together, my mother sat down and wrote her
a letter advising her to think carefully and prepare herself for the possible
consequences of her choice. Was my mother prejudiced? No. Bear in mind this
happened about 20 years after the brutal lynching of Emmett Till. Was my
sister, born a year after the murder, upset? Yes. She got over it. Bear in mind
it’s usually a waste of time to take things personally.
About the pronouns. After I got married, I kept my maiden
name. My mother chose to address her frequent letters to Mrs. Husband-name. Should
I have thrown her letters away, or marked them ‘no such person’? Of course not.
I opened the letters and I read them. They were full of love.
It seems my female genetic inheritance includes chin hairs
in middle age. For some years I just plucked them out, thinking they might just
disappear the way my sister’s eyebrows did after her chum suggested this
beautification idea. Not. Eventually, I learned that plucking encourages
whiskers. So in 2004 I decided to go natural, and expand the social reality of
“feminine” rather than worry about some preachy patriarchal prescription for my
appearance. Knowing I might confront some harassment, I constructed a couple of
jokes to use, just in case. But I have found that only young children and close
friends have said anything. And on those rare occasions when an adult mistakes
me for a man, they are typically far more flustered than I.
So in conclusion, I would really like the transgender
conversation to move away from clickbait and toward thoughtfulness. I would
really like to talk about expanding our cultural concepts of male and female to
be so much larger than the constricted (and often cruel) patriarchal conventions
we have inherited. I hate tight clothes and I hate the strait-jacket Hollywood-Madison-Avenue
notions of gender.
Not long ago, I sketched a diagram of gender difference,
where the outliers of the one gender are more extreme than the average of the
other gender. (I posted this to your right but not sure how to make it smaller.) Nature’s stereotypes have rather fuzzy edges.
That said, polarity does have its place. Relating to others
is more exciting when we aren’t just the same, when we don’t always and
completely agree. Intensifying the polarity between male and female, between
self and other, can energize sexual experiences in a healthy and constructive
way, or, sadly, in a negative and oppressive way. And debates among friends can
enliven communities with friendly ribbing, or creative invention. But debate
without real communication and good faith is destructive.
